3 posts tagged “email”
See! I said in the post before last that my email-writing skills are better than my real-life conversational skills, and I spent all of last Saturday proving myself right.
To everyone who conversed with me during those intervals at the marvellous all-day wedding bash during which I wasn't staggering drospically in zigzags across the dance floor: my (written) apologies.
Special apologies to the Ivor Novello nominated musican who I spent half an hour asking to perform tricks for me and (a bewildered) Lady Resourceful. Musician, magician... I'm afraid small nuances are lost to me after a crate of Budvar.
Sorry to everyone to whom I felt it a good idea to say things like, 'You're the bride's aunt? I assumed you were staff.'
It was a great wedding, but it's good to be at a keyboard again, spending ten minutes on each sentence while eating a scotch egg, and dreaming of a world where everyone conversed at the same glacial pace at which my thoughts creep.
Hope you had a jolly good bank holiday.
The boss sent an article round the office today, outlining some reasons why it's better to phone people than to send an email. The gist of it was that when communicating by email, your interlocutor can't hear you, which I admit was something that had never occurred to any of us before. Nor can they interrupt you, hang up on you, or deafen you with a sudden cough.
Email. It's rubbish!
It was a good article, and I'm looking forward to the next one, where the author will suggest that the trouble with phoning and emailing is that you can't see, smell or touch your interlocutor, and will recommend riding round to our candidate's places of work in a horse drawn sleigh.
I noticed that Susan Greenfield has a new book out. It appears to develop some of the themes of her book Tomorrow's People, which argued that modern technology is 'directly tampering with the essence of our individuality.'
She may be right. When you communicate by email all the time (or when you stick posts on your blogs, or leave comments), you are in a world with its own rules. But personally, I think that the diminished threat of being punched for saying something stupid makes me act more authentically individual, not less. Specifically, it makes me act like a more authentically stupid individual.
My position regarding use of emails in a professional context is simple. I don't want to waste anyone's time. I think that closed questions are underrated labour-saving devices. I think if I need to use a ;) to convey an emotion to someone with whom I have a business relationship, I should perhaps think about trimming back my verbiage and sticking to the point. I think if I try to build a rapport with you in an attempt to manipulate you, you'll see through me, and you'll think I'm a slime, and you'll be right.
True, you don't 'build relationships' by sticking to the point - if by relationships you mean a fake buddiness cultivated with someone from whom you plan on making money, and who plans on making money from you. But you do show people more respect by not forcing them to play games with you. After a foundation of respect is built, you tend to reach a point where your purely functional communiques seem a little cold and inadequate, and then a bit of personality begins to creep in quite naturally. But this isn't something that can be pushed.
Also, we at HTS don't want to be seen, heard, smelled or touched. Because we're all heavily tattooed circus runaways.
OK, I'm just being contrary. I do see the boss' point. She doesn't want to hear nothing but the clacking of computer keys all day while she sits in her office mixing cocktails and playing internet blackjack. She wants to hear talking, hustling, and the sound of receivers being slammed down in jubilation after big ticket placements.
Also, she has recent first-hand experience of how the internet doesn't quite equal reality: she started doing her weekly shopping online last week, and - having not yet gone metric - she misjudged the amount of mushrooms she needed ('I ordered about a hundredweight') and has been eating nothing but giant mushrooms since last Thursday. She has bags and bags of them. Our fridge at work is full of them. You wouldn't believe the effect that a diet of mushrooms has on a person. They'd might as well have been magic. Today she brought in five or six bottles of 'special' homemade wine for anyone who wants it, and we're all keeping our distance.
To draw an analogy, our illustrious leader wants us to be out there feeling the weight of those mushrooms in our bare hands, not making guesses. (Or funguesses.)
Whatcha think?
Incidentally, our Lead Consultant replied to the boss' email by asking why the article's author couldn't have phoned us with his insights.
Gnome picture from http://jessicasuzanne.com/
Just thought I'd give you a quick candid insight into the private e-life of our esteemed boss. I've omitted the one-word email she sent round the office subsequent to this delightful exchange. Names have been removed and the mails arranged in chronological order.
From Boss
To [old candidate on database]
Hi [old candidate on database]
You are registered on our database but we haven't heard from you in a while. Are you looking for a new career opportunity right now?
We are receiving many new vacancies from all over the UK on a daily basis at present and in order to match your details correctly, we need the most up to date information. We would appreciate a current CV, which you can email direct to recruit@hts.co.uk and/or you could call us on 0121 766 6626, where our team of Consultants will be happy to speak to you. [Etc. etc...]
Look forward to hearing from you.
Kindest regards
[Boss]
From [old candidate on database] To Boss Subject: RE: Job opportunities at HTS I'm in South Korea if you have a job over here then let me know otherwise remove me from your obsolete databas. From Boss To: [old candidate on database] Subject: RE: Job opportunities at HTS Hi Have removed you from our obsolete databas as requested. kr [Boss] * * * Incidentally, our database has nearly 100,000 candidates registered. We've been going for nearly 17 years. A bit of obsolesence is par for the course. Most 'old' candidates we contact for an update are very polite and are glad we're thinking of them. If people are going to be rude, though, they should at least be able to spell.
